Not Big Nor Easy

If you're considering a trip to "The Big Easy," you should know New Orleans is neither big nor easy. More accurately, New Orleans is known as "The City That Care Forgot." Fortunately, New Orleans' relatively small size also makes it easy to experience the profusion of sights that flood the senses. French, Cajun, Southern and Creole culture crowd and overlap one another like dusty trinkets in a dim voodoo shop or the ridiculously lush houseplants on French Quarter balconies. At only $1 per ride (exact change only) and with plenty of open windows to catch the breeze, the historic St. Charles streetcar line is by far the cheapest and most pleasant way to get around New Orleans. Stretching east to west and across the city, the 24hour streetcar takes passengers to the French Quarter, Audubon Park and many of the city's other sights. While the streetcar is a relaxed introduction to the city, you'll want to avoid waiting alone at night at some of the poorly lit stops near the French Quarter on Carondelet. After midnight, the streetcar only comes once an hour compared to 10 to 15 minute intervals during the day. The famous French Quarter is the most heavily touristed and generally the safest section of New Orleans. While the diversity of laissezfaire, bohemian shops and people resemble Greenwich Village, New Orleans' quirky street names, oldworld architecture and voodoo practitioners can't be found anywhere else. The Quarter is laid out in a grid, with Jackson Square at the southern end, facing the Mississippi River, and the St. Louis Cathedral at the square's focal point. Surrounding this 18th century church is a small park with a dominating statue of General Andrew Jackson perfect for peoplewatching or snoozing. The blocks around the park make up a pedestrian mall, populated by card table psychics, whileyouwait charcoal portraiteers, and street musicians. For a postcardperfect view of the Cathedral and the Mississippi, climb up to the cannon monument across Decatur St. Or for a closer look of the Mississippi, stroll along the wooden riverside boardwalk enigmatically called "The Moonwalk." After bumming a cigarette, I asked a group of local kids for the best and cheapest place to get dinner. The most emphatic response came from a guy with crooked teeth and a faded Tshirt proclaiming "My name is God." "Go to the Clover Grill," he told me. "Get their mushroom burger, medium rare. Five bucks. It's the best hamburger you'll ever have." God was right. Second place in the heavenlyfoodforapittance category turned out to be an unassuming grocery/deli on Decatur. Central Grocery cranks out unwieldy, circular sandwiches locals know as "muffulettas." Stuffed with meats, cheese and cured olives in a robust oliveoil dressing, muffulettas resemble hoagies (subs, heros, etc.) but are vastly superior. Some slightly more upscale (cloth instead of paper napkins) eateries to try are The Gumbo Shop, on St. Peter Street and The Praline Connection, actually a few blocks out of the French Quarter in the Faubourg Marigny. The Praline Connection also turns out superb seafood, but is primarily a "soul food" restaurant, serving staples such as fried chicken, stuffed peppers, todiefor bread pudding, and a few oddities like fried dill pickles. The Gumbo Shop's menu favors seafood doused in one of the fiery Cajun sauces that characterizes New Orleans cooking. Another good pick for classic Cajun cooking is Sam's, on Bourbon St. Over on St. Peter Street, the best description of the landmark club Pat O'Brien's came from a gregarious drunk who enthused: "They need more clubs like Pat O'Briens! Everybody's a tourist there! It's like, I just go in and say, 'Hey, take my picture!" Loud, neonglitzy and the creator of the potent Hurricane, Pat O'Brien's is a good place to go if nobody knows your name. Another option, Margaritaville Cafe, is located on Decatur near Canal St. Yes, this is Jimmy Buffet's club, and it usually pulls in pretty solid rock acts. New Orleans nightlife isn't limited to such tourist traps. To give an exhaustive listing of the bars and clubs in the French Quarter would be, well, exhausting. There are as many venues as there are personal tastes, ranging from the omnipresent jazz to sinewy blues to menacing Goth. The best method of investigation into "what's out there" is to talk to the locals or pick up a local entertainment newspaper at the newsstand across from Jackson Square. If you're under twentyone, carding is a hitormiss prospect in New Orleans. You'll probably have more luck at places that are also restaurants rather than strictly bars, or local hangouts rather than tourist magnets. The desperate can enlist others to buy from the takeout daiquiri joints on Bourbon St. New Orleans has a couple of excellent coffeehouses. The most famous and best is Cafe du Monde, an institution in the French Quarter for the past hundredplus years. At any hour, two bucks will get you fresh, strong coffee or cafe au lait, and a plate of hot French donuts called beignets (beenYAYS) covered with drifts of powdered sugar. For a wider menu and Internet access in a familiar coffeehouse atmosphere, follow the pierced, tattooed and chainsmoking to Kaldi's, on Decatur near Jackson Square. For jewelry made by local artisans, cheesy "I Survived Bourbon St." Tshirts and preserved alligator heads, shop the French Market. This sevendaysaweek cacophony of decorative, cheap and bizarre stuff is housed in a carnivalstyle permanent tent located between the eastern end of Decatur and the Mississippi. The Farmer's Market (set up in an adjacent building/tent hybrid) offers local food specialties to scarf on the spot or take home. You'll find fresh pecan pralines, dill pickleflavored potato chips, dozens of varieties of hot sauce, fresh seafood and produce as well as countless spices and seasonings, sold alongside racks of cookbooks for the novice or experienced Cajun chef. The Garden District is a twelveblock stretch roughly two miles outside of the French Quarter. Here, New Orleans presents its refined side in a staggering foil to the kitsch and neon of Bourbon Street. Expansive, grandiose southern mansions are wreathed by almost unnaturally green vegetation that is either immaculately groomed or spilling unrestrained onto the sidewalk. The houses retain their antebellum grandeur; some have plaques on their high, spiked fences detailing the history of the building or an important event that occurred within its walls. One sign, in its deep bronze patina, announced to all passersby: "On This Site in 1879, Nothing Happened." Yes, Anne Rice lives here and ghouls Trent Reznor and Marilyn Manson are rumored residents as well. For hardcore vampire fans, a couple of tourist companies offer walking tours that include Rice's mansion. Audubon Park is a carefully landscaped oasis of nature in the city. Nearly at the end of the streetcar line and adjacent to Loyola College, this is a lush, tranquil place to bring a picnic, stroll or bike along paved paths, or visit the acclaimed zoo (admission: $8) at the southern end of the park. For a lowbudget view of the Mississippi, take Canal St. to the water and catch the free commuter ferry across the river to suburban Algiers. There isn't much to do once you get there, but the ride itself is a fun, photogenic experience. If you simply must indulge your Mark Twain fantasy, take a paddleboat cruise. Depending on the amenities (dinner, live music, etc.), expect to shell out anywhere from $15$40. Countless theme tours are offered throughout New Orleans. Typical offerings include overviews of the French Quarter (not really necessary for orientation purposes), black history tours, and guides through New Orleans' famous aboveground cemeteries (which you should never visit alone). More farflung options include boat rides around the local swamps in search of alligators or bus trips to preserved antebellum plantations. The hostels are generally a good source for these as well as a plethora of other pamphlets for tours catering to every imaginable interest (a jaunt around haunted French Quarter buildings led by an incostume Vlad the Impaler, anyone?) These tours can run anywhere from around eight dollars to a whopping sixty or more for a combo swampplantation guide. Finally, there's Mardi Gras, the mother of all parties that's held in New Orleans once a year. Imagine a weeklong frat party, with thousands of people, no tap curfew, parades, petty criminals and a police department that won't think twice about beating the crap out of the unruly. "During Mardi Gras, it's wall to wall people out on Bourbon Street," one resident told me, shaking his head. Bourbon Street, is usually buzzing, crowded and reeking of piss; you won't miss out on any of the city's famed nightlife by not visiting during Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras isn't all there is to New Orleans. And you'll probably have other chances to take in the city, if the local saying is true: "There's something in the water here. You'll be back."