The first thing you should know about taking a
cruise is this: it is almost guaranteed that you
will have an exciting, exhaustive, memorable time,
which makes it the perfect Spring Break trip.
The second is: plastics can be dangerous, and I’m
not talking about red cups (drinks on cruises come
in classy glasses).
Ah, but to spoil the reason why would take the fun
out of this article. Before we explain this sage
bit of advice, let’s talk about how to have the
Perfect Getaway (a.k.a. the cruise).
Search and Plan
You’ll be pleasantly surprised to learn that
cruises can be dirt cheap. 34 day cruises will
run anywhere from $200 to $400. Last year when I
planned my trip, I found a 3night/4day excursion
to Baja Mexico, leaving from Los Angeles, for
$289. A 2night/3day one to the Bahamas from Cape
Canaveral was as low as $205. There are also many
packages that include air and transfer to the
ports of call.
Check the Travel section of the newspaper, look
online, or call travel agencies. Keep in mind that
cruise prices will vary depending on many things:
the week you call, the week you sail, the cabin
type, and the cruise line. Spring Break specials
will begin popping up in December. While the
dollar amount may seem somewhat hefty, consider
this: it includes rooming, transportation, and
unlimited food and activities from the time you
wake up ‘til you bed down.
I must caution that our friends under 21 may face
difficulties in planning their cruise experience.
Liners headed to Mexico do not allow people under
21 without a 25yearold guardian. Other areas,
like the Bahamas and Hawaii, are more lenient.
Check with a travel agent what the specifications
are for each region.
Please also consider the possibility of
claustrophobia before booking. Rooms will be no
bigger than a single oncampus, so think of how
you’ll feel living in one for a few days with 3
friends. If that doesn’t sound too bad, make a
pact with your roommates that you will all be
neat. In a room that small, it is a necessary
precaution to keep sane.
Getting Oriented
Checking in at the port is very simple. Bring your
passport or birth certificate if you are leaving
the country, plus a credit card. You’ll be
assigned a mealtime and a dining room, and issued
a special “cruise card.” It’s plastic. It’s
dangerous. It’s your ticket to everything on
board, so take good care of it.
With bags in hand, walking up the gangplank, the
“Love Boat” theme strangely resonating in your
head, is slightly thrilling. It’s the signal —
you’re on board, and it’s time to partay!
To do this, mapping out your playground is
essential. After you find your room and marvel at
the tiny size of it (look, Ma, I can touch both
walls at the same time!), explore the boat from
top to bottom. Make sure to remember the location
of the different lounges, the karaoke bar, your
dining room, and the pool, as you will likely be
returning to these numerous times. Then, rush
outside and wave madly at the docks. No one is
there to wave back, but you can pretend the cruise
personnel down there are your buddies. You’ll feel
glamorous as you sail away into the sunset on a
luxury liner (most ships depart at 5pm).
The Fun Begins (And Never Ends)
“Cruise” is just a way to say
somanythingstodosolittletime. On board and
on land, the crew has planned countless
activities. Rule of thumb: most activities on
board are free while those on land will cost you,
especially those booked through the cruise.
Are you a fitness buff? Then take aerobics classes
in the morning, or teach the old folks lounging at
the pool the macarena. Would you rather do
something on land? Horseback riding, snorkeling,
or hiking may be choices, depending on the port
you land in for the day. If relaxing is more your
thing, take in the scenery on deck, or walk the
beaches. Interested in something out of the
ordinary? The Mr. Legs Contest on the deck at noon
may be your thing. Enter your own hairy stumps, or
just cheer the best set on.
If mingling with other guests isn’t your idea of
fun, lounge on the upper deck and feel the sun on
your back. Or, sit on the deck and watch the
dolphins jump, matching the ship’s speed. Ping
pong is available, as is shuffleboard (which is
slightly addicting). Most ships include a casino
onboard as well. It’s not Vegas, but it is open
until the wee hours of the morning.
The ships are alive at night. In one lounge, a
piano may be playing Sinatra tunes while patrons
drink, sing along, or just listen contently.
Karaoke contests are going on in another lounge,
while a third one has a standup comedian making
the crowd roar. Hop from each place and soak it
all in. Each night will likely be a different show.
With so many options available, people who say
cruises are boring are pure cynics.
Did Someone Say Food?
Meals in the dining room will not disappoint. The
menu is varied to ensure everyone’s tastes are
satisfied, and the plates are unlimited — that
means several plates of smoked salmon in the
morning, two orders of prime rib for dinner, or
three helpings of dessert, all for you. Lunch is
served buffetstyle, while breakfast and dinner
are served by a twoperson team assigned to your
table throughout your stay.
If you don’t make it to the dining rooms during
the designated meal times, the ship will always
have one or two cafes on board. The food there is
much less exotic — hamburgers, hot dogs — but will
suffice. (Besides, that’s what you get for not
getting to the dining room on time.)
And of course, there’s the grand midnight buffet.
Cruisegoers intheknow will line up outside the
dining room door a half hour before midnight,
waiting to be the first to glimpse, and grab at,
the magnificent array of food. The chefs go all
out for this. You’ll see bread baked into tiny
baskets the size of your hand. Boiled eggs are cut
to resemble baby chicks (the irony!) and huge
mermaids are carved into huge slabs of glistening
ice. And the desserts — oh, the desserts! — so
many, too many, that you unfortunately can’t try
them all or you’ll horrify the other guests.
Plastics=Bad!
Remember my second sentence? That little card you
were given at checkin can be your downfall if
you’re not careful. On board, cash is rarely used.
For every drink you buy, for playing bingo, and
for onshore excursions, that plastic card gets
swiped. The scary thing is that you can get caught
up in the freedom of the ship and end up with a
huge bill. Those cruise planners were very crafty:
you don’t get your bill until the end of the
vacation. So, ask for a mai tai or blue hawaiian
while you’re lounging in the sun, but don’t order
too many, or you may regret it.
And now, you are wise in cruising ways: Go
forward, and book your cruise.
My final Jack Handy thought: Bingo can win you fat
cash and ain’t just for old ladies.
Way Yu is looking forward to taking a
Mediterranean Cruise next.
