A New Me

The one thing that has changed me to become the person I am today is not one single memory, but a person, someone who came into my life not that long ago. This person means more to me than anyone in the entire world and I honestly don’t think I could live without him. This person is my boyfriend, Jimmy Ray Johnson. We’ve been together for nine and a half months and about five and a half months ago he moved to Louisville. I don’t get to see him very much, every other weekend if I’m lucky. I always thought that a longdistance relationship would be extremely hard but, throughout these last five and a half months, I’ve figured out that the only hard part about it is not getting to see each other very often. I have now figured out that people who say that longdistance relationships can’t work or that they’re impossible are people who probably can’t trust the other very well. e and Jimmy trust each other immensely, just as we love each other. Loving him has changed me in many ways, for the better, but some stand out above the others. For one thing, he has opened me up in more ways than I ever thought possible. I’ve told him things I could never tell anyone else. I’ve never felt that I could tell anybody, much less a boyfriend, anything before but, with Jimmy, the words just come naturally. I can tell him anything and not have to worry that he’s judging me. That trust, being able to confide in each other even the most embarrassing, personal or just outright silly things, is extremely important to me and means so much. I trust him with my life. I am so glad we can both be so open with each other, and I know he feels the same way. Another way that Jimmy has changed me is that he influences me to be a better person, to try harder at things I should try at, and never give up on something I really want to do. I have to keep my grades up and stay out of trouble or my parents won’t let me see him. At first, I thought that that was the only reason I started trying harder, so I could see him, and then I figured out that was only a mere part of it. I wanted to try harder so that my parents might notice that I’m not the screwup kid they see me as. I want to make them proud of me, but even above that, I want to be proud of myself. I’ve always wanted this, for my parents to be proud of me and be proud of myself, but I had completely given up on that until Jimmy came along. He’s the one who makes me try harder, who tells me not to give up no matter how hard something is. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, ever since I was a little kid, and I remember Jimmy asking me a question once. “What do you want to be later in life?” We were talking about our futures and what career we wanted to have. “A teacher,” I told him. He kind of laughed at first. I thought it was probably because, like most teenagers, he couldn’t see why any one, after graduating, would want to spend even more time in school. “Why, is that weird?” I asked him. His answer kind of surprised me. “No, it’s what you want to do and I think you should do whatever you have to to make that happen. I think it’s pretty cool, if that’s what you want to do,” he replied, complete sincerity in his voice. I don’t know why, but just that simple statement really meant a lot to me and because of what he said I fell even more determined to make those ambitions happen. He just brings out the best in me, but he’s also sent he worst of me, and he loves both of those sides, of course one a little more than the other. In other words, he loves me exactly how I am, for what kind of person I am. He’s stuck with me through everything, the good and the bad, and I know, deep down inside, that he’s always going to be there for me. Most importantly, he’s made me happy. That may not seem like such a big thing, but being happy is something that I rarely was before I got to know him. There were so many people that had let me down before that, so many things that had gone wrong, but looking back now I see how meaningless those things were. They weren’t worth feeling the way I did over them. I was in such a low place and I didn’t see how things could possibly get any better. When I became friends with Jimmy was the moment I became just a little bit happier in my life, but I still couldn’t trust him, or anyone for that matter. I had trusted the wrong people before and all they had done was leave me, hurt and broken inside. Jimmy showed me that it was okay to trust someone, to open up again and let someone in; I was scared to do that though. I don’t want to take the risk of getting hurt again, but I gave it a chance anyway. I’ve never regretted taking that chance ever since. He showed me that I could trust again, as long as I trusted the right person. Jimmy is one of the greatest people I have ever met in my life, he has no expectations of me and he would never try to pressure me to do anything I didn’t want to. He has only the highest respect for me and treats me as most guys should treat their girlfriends. He has never lied to me, that I know of, and I really don’t think he would. He tries to never make promises he can’t keep and I love that about him. He has made me look at the world in a different way. Everything isn’t so dark anymore; I see things in a new light. I no longer look at everyday as horrible, miserable, 24hours that are going to drag on forever just to torture me. I now see each and every day as a pathway, I have to slowly make my way through every day, trying to be the best person I can, to live that day to its fullest, until the day that Jimmy and me are completely ready, and can, start our lives together. I’ve found the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He’s made me the person that I am, the person that I want to be, and I love him for that, among many other reasons. Of course, Jimmy isn’t perfect, he has his own flaws and his life isn’t what some people might imagine, even those who know him, but he is still a really great person, he has so much love in his heart, and he wants nothing but to help people. Just as he does, I try not to make promises that I can’t keep. I can’t promise him that I’ll always love him, I would love to be able to truthfully say that, but I can’t. What I can promise him is that I sure as hell hope I always love him, and I hope nothing ever changes that. “I love you,” I hear his voice echo through the phone, full of honesty and sincerity. “I love you, too” I reply, the same honest and sincerity in my own voice. “Really?” He says once again as he has so many times before, as if he cannot believe someone could really love him, for it seems as if his own family doesn’t even love him. “Yes, really,” I reply, just as I usually do, it stings a little bit to hear him question my love, even though he knows it is there. “I know. I love you so much baby girl.” Those three little words, I love you, mean more to me than anyone could ever know and hearing them come from him leaves a smile on my face that feels as if it could never go away.