The Price of Perfection

Ooh, you're jealous now. You spent fifteen minutes last night studying for the major science exam today. But you just got the grade back, and you have an 83. And the girl next to you, who always gets amazing grades, has 100. What you don't understand is that... she doesn't always get straight A's. She doesn't. Not to mention that last night, she studied for an hour and made flashcards to practice on the bus to school. And the one time she got a 74, everyone was shocked. The girl wants to be perfect, but she's not. No one else seems to understand. I'm a straight A student. I'm not saying that I'm smarter than other kids, but I work harder than most of them. I'm not one of those kids who spends lunch in the library, though. I don't kiss up to teachers to get a good grade. I work hard and I play hard that's how I live. My life is what people might call perfect: good grades, check; boyfriend, check; tons of friends, check. Some of my friends say that I have it all. But I don't. Just yesterday, I had a project due in reading. It was an artistic type of project; the moment I heard about it, I knew I was in trouble. Oh, I'm creative. But I absolutely cannot do crafts. It's like a defect or something. The moment I went home and took out the shoe box I was going to work on, I felt a pang of nervousness. I was going to procrastinate, then cram at last minute. I knew it. Then, when the project was due, I came to school dreading 6th period. "My project sucks," I moaned to my friends. I showed a particular clique my shoe box and they laughed. I couldn't believe it! And to make the experience worse, each expressed their shock and scorn for my lame project. "I'm sorry!" I heard myself apologizing. "I really tried!" Why was I apologizing? And what for? I didn't owe them a good project. They certainly didn't owe me anything, either, but one thing they should have shown me is respect. I never laughed when they were in trouble I helped them in class, I gave them hugs; everything they needed. Maybe I was apologizing to myself. Maybe I thought that it was my fault that I had done my best but that my best wasn't enough to scrape up a decent grade. The price of perfection is peace. I'm never at peace with myself. This year, I had tried to bury the ghosts of the past. I didn't hide my grades, but I never flaunted them either. And when I got a bad grade, I told a few people asking comfort and no one else. No one thought I was a genius anymore. I didn't feel the constant pressure, eyes upon me. Until now. People laughing at my project, staring at me in newfound disdain, made me feel so inadequate. I have a life that people envy, but I myself am never satisfied. You should never hit a person when they're down. You should never laugh at a girl who gets her first bad grade to feel better about yourself. Someday, you might understand. Maybe you do already. Think about how it must feel to be pressured every second to be someone that no one else can ever understand.