Sleeping With The Devil

Movies like "Animal House" and "Revenge Of The Nerds" illustrate the prettier parts of college life: The parties, the men, the women, the good times. But then there are the dark clouds surrounding the college experience: The bad food, the hangovers, the beer goggles, and — worst of all — the evil roommate. As horrible as mystery meat, mornings after and anonymous hookups may be, there's nothing more damaging to your life at college than living with a nasty roommate. Syracuse University graduate Caroline Pearson remembers her own raunchy roomie experience. "I lived with 2 other girls in a suite dorm room during my sophomore year," Pearson explains. One of them was a nightmare. Pearson lived "dimetodime" in college, so doing laundry was an important issue. "I would wait until the last possible moment," she says, "until my last pair was left in the drawer. One Friday, I knew I was getting close to the end. The last piece of underwear I had was this fabulous Victoria's Secret thing I saved for those special occasions." But when Pearson went to put them on that Friday, all she found was an empty panty drawer. "I froze in disbelief," she says. It was at this point she realized her roommate had purloined the panties for her own special occasion. "The bitch was wearing my favorite underwear after hooking up with her nasty, whoknowswhat germ infested guest." Most roommate calamities arise from poor communication. "A lot of our student conflicts arise because students aren't used to living with people their own age," says Jennifer Emrit, a former resident advisor at the University of Colorado. "They're not used to communicating with people their own ages — and all too often, simple conflicts get bottled up to the point where they explode." So make it clear from the outset that your panties are your property — or deal with whatever other pertinent issues there are right away. "When you enter a university setting," Emrit adds, "you encounter a whole bunch of people. It takes different strokes for different folks, and sometimes those strokes become fisticuffs." The adage of "different strokes for different folks" took a whole new meaning for Jeff Jacobs*, a law student at a Stanford. "My roommate wanked a lot," he says bluntly. "Out in the open, in the shower, on his bed. It didn't matter if I was studying, talking on the phone or watching TV. He'd fiddle around, grab a napkin, and leave for the vending machines. It was repulsive." Yeah, that's kinda gross to watch. So if you're dealing with a panty stealer, chronic masturbater, or some other form of pain in the ass roommate, how do you deal? Oswego College in New York offers some handy tips. First and foremost, communication is key when getting to know a new roommate. That means being open to new ideas and habits from the getgo. Break the ice with your roommate by talking about yourself — and be honest about topics like personal habits, sleep needs and neatness tendencies. Franklin & Marshall also offers students a guide to roommate tolerance. Their suggestion? Pick a good roomie before you move in. This might not be an option for all you frosh out there, but upperclass folks should take heed. Pick someone who's good with communication, flexibility and accountability. "You should feel secure approaching roommates with any problems," the F&M guide says, and be able to "count on them to handle their share of the responsibilities and to be considerate enough to take into account each other's needs." The bottom line is — whatever your roommate's like — communicate openly and be understanding about as much as you can take. You might have some habits your roommate doesn't love, so don't judge too harshly. But if they are doing something you just can't handle (getting semen on your pillow; borrowing your dainties), stand up for yourself. Go to the administration if you need to. Remember, it's your room too. Jon Vena once had the worst college roommate EVER.