I'm Not Them

"Why can't you be more like your brother?"

"The girls down the street would never do this!"

"They're always cleaning up their house and you never do anything around here!"

Sound familiar? Ever since I was young enough to remember, I've been compared to someone. I have three best friends who are all sisters around the same age. My stepdad and mother used to always compare me to them. They'd always say how wonderful "the Dalby kids" were and how my brother and I needed to be more like them. Everything in our house revolved around that family. Momma used to complain that their mom tried to keep up with the Jones's and would copy everything we did. She never stopped to realize that she was just as bad. My stepdad used to fear the day that we looked bad in their eyes.

I'll never forget the day he exploded over me asking them for a simple favor. I was about ten years old and the incident has stuck with me ever since. He had asked me to pick up the dog poop from the back yard before he got home from running an errand. When I went outside I noticed the yard full of wasps and bees. I was terrified and had called him to tell him so. He told me to just not bother them and I'd be fine. He wanted the yard cleaned "or else". I didn't know what to do so I called Ashley. She suggested her younger brother doing the job for me. I was so grateful. He cleaned everything up and I paid him for it. I was figured Nelson wouldn't mind as long as the poop was cleared before he got home. When I told him he flipped out. He screamed and yelled at me for paying not just anyone, but "a Dalby kid" to do what I was told to do.

It wasn't the screaming that hurt me. It was the fact he didn't want to look bad to them that hurt. He didn't want them thinking he was some cruel father, who makes his kids pick up stuff in the backyard while wasps were swarming. What had seemed like the perfect solution turned out to be a disaster.

Growing up in the shadows of my friends ruined me. I finally told them how I felt about it and they haven't done it since. However, so many years of "they don't do this" and "they don't do that" and "they're so perfect" have completely screwed me up. I've always felt like the problem child that's good for nothing. I've labeled myself as someone who will never be good enough. Even though they no longer compare me to other people, I always will. I've been set up to a standard that I know I'll never achieve. I will always feel insufficent and inferior to the people around me.

I don't blame my friends for it. I know they aren't perfect and that they didn't mean for this to happen. I don't blame my parents. They had no idea how much their offhand comments affected me. It's the comments that I blame; the words that slowly burned me over time to a pile of worthless ash.

My point is this, be careful with what you say. Sometimes a simple statement may seem harmless, but it can really do a number on the right person. Be aware of how you compare your family and friends. Everyone has insecurities. Don't be the cause of them.