My Life as a Gay Teenager

Ever since I was about 14 or so, I knew I was “different”. I started noticing girls, but I never really thought anything of it because it seemed normal to me. I was your average teenager, and I dated several different guys in high school. But somehow, there was always something missing in my relationships, and for some reason, no matter what guy I was with, I was unhappy. I never loved any of the guys I dated, which was rather depressing for me. I was with one guy on and off over two years, and we were planning on moving in together. I didn't love him though, and my senior year of high school, we finally broke it off.

After me and Dan broke up, I started doing some thinking about my life, and about what I wanted. While I was with all these guys, there was one person I was in love with. She was my best friend, and she was bisexual. I don't know why, but even though I was so in love with her, I always denied the fact that I might be bisexual, or even the dreaded "L" word I despised. We were very close, and I chased after her for almost 3 years without success. I stopped talking to her around the same time I stopped talking to Dan. Without them both in my life, I realized that I could never love a man the way I loved my best friend. It just wasn't the same for me, and it never would be. I spent the next year getting over my best friend, and I didn't date anyone. Now, I am a freshman in college. Things have gotten a lot clearer than they were before. I finally came to terms with the fact that I am a lesbian.

All of my good friends know, now. After I graduated from high school, I finally admitted to them that I was gay. I am still not out at work though, because I work with two family members, and I am afraid that it may get back to them. I finally met a girl, and I have never been happier. I never thought I could be this way with someone else. I thought this kind of love only existed in the movies. She makes me so happy, and I love her so much. We met through some friends at my university. So, now, after years of hardship dealing with everything, things are finally starting to come together for me. The only obstacle I have left is telling my parents, which is going to be a difficult feat to say the least, since they are extremely hateful towards homosexuals. If I told them right now, I would probably be thrown out of my house, which unfortunately, many kids these days can relate to. I don't understand how someone's parents can hate their child, their flesh and blood, over something as trivial as a person's sexuality. But I guess that just shows you how ignorant the world really is.

My advice to everyone struggling with their sexuality would be this: Don't be afraid. Don't fight it; its something that is inevitable, whether you like it or not. I tried to be straight, and it took heaps of failed relationships for me to see that it just doesn't work. Last of all, be yourself. If people can't deal with it, too bad. You are here to stay.